When do couples start “missing” each other, and how do intimate connections become about bills, teacher conferences and the right thing to do for aging parents?
Taking a weekend away and turning off the television to have a real conversation are two popular suggestions for reigniting the spark in relationship. There may be something else going on when these activities lose momentum in creating the kind of sustainable oomph your relationship wants though.
So what now?
You may be looking for the answer to that question in the wrong place. While carving out quality couple time is vital to reigniting and sustaining the spark in relationship, it is often a more effective step when taken further down the path. In other words, you are probably not starting at the beginning, and that can definitely throw off your game and its results.
This is a cue to slow down, and back up for a moment. The truth is that starting from the beginning is the only place where change catches fire.
You can only start from where you are, and the unexpected key in that sentence is you. This can seem off-course when focusing on relationship. Think about it though. What do you bring to all your relationships, including your most intimate relationship? You bring yourself.
Where you are in relationship with yourself affects all of your relationships, including your most intimate one. So it follows that you, not the relationship, are the place from where to start because when you change, your relationship naturally changes.
Follow these three simple steps and watch what unfolds in your relationship.
Step One: Start from the Beginning
When one or both partners feel the desire to deepen the connection, it is best to start from the beginning. Look first to deepen the quality of connection with yourself. What are your dreams, disappointments, the little things that make you smile? What about you has stayed consistent? What has changed? What wasn’t as you expected it to be?
Step Two: Lighten Things Up
Keep a sense of humor, and let yourself laugh at the craziness of life. Shifting your energy in this way opens new perspectives, ideas, and is a far more powerful change agent than any words you have for yourself or your spouse.
Step Three: Trust the Process
As one or both partners deepen the connection with self, it will naturally expand into a more fulfilling level of connection in the relationship. So now when you turn off the television to talk, you don’t have to try too hard, or have a certain level of expertise. The relationship simply changes because one partner has changed. It only takes one.
Rise above the excitement of getting to where you want to be and commit to shifting something in yourself first. Practicing awareness, patience and trust in the process, renews the spark in relationship and moves it to new levels.
And the right next step reveals itself from there.
